Amazon Acquires USPS via Hostile Takeover
In what appears to be a hostile takeover, online shopping mogul, Amazon, is set to purchase the United States. Continue reading
Quality of The Simpsons Further Reduced for Fox’s New Standards
In a statement released yesterday, Al Jean, The Simpsons' show runner, said that the quality of the show will. Continue reading
Area 51 to Host Open House and Prove There Are No Aliens
In what will be a devastating decision for all the seasoned conspiracy theorists, the Obama administration has. Continue reading
Time Warner to Stop Cable Services and Offer Hulu and Netflix Instead
Yesterday in a New York press release, Time Warner announced it was permanently discontinuing its cable services. Continue reading
Homeless Shelters to be Converted to ISIS Refugee Camps
Many may recall last year's controversy on whether or not funds should be designated for the relief of Syrian. Continue reading
Trump Praises Putin and Kim Jong Un, Castro Feels Snubbed
Fidel Castro is reportedly unhappy with America, or more specifically with Donald Trump, after being the only. Continue reading
Nigerian Prince Was Real, Finally Found Help to Reclaim Fortune and Title
Twenty-seven-year-old Jeffery Downhour was the guest of honor as he was paraded through the streets of Layos,. Continue reading
DMV to Conduct Background Checks Before Issuing Licenses
Beginning on February 8, DMVs across the nation will conduct background checks before issuing driver licenses to. Continue reading
FAA Evaluates Tablets as an Upgrade to Traditional Cockpit Controls
A new study revealed that up to 87% of flights are delayed due to the Windows blue screen of death. The study. Continue reading
Trump Buys San Diego Chargers, Breaks Ground on Beachfront Megastadium
Donald Trump has purchased his first sports franchise, the San Diego Chargers. Amid the recent indecisiveness of. Continue reading
Portion of Zuckerberg’s Pledged Charity to be Spent on Wardrobe Makeover
After a photo of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's all grey wardrobe went viral, reports emerged that a portion of. Continue reading
McDonald’s Maintains Cheese is in Mozzarella Sticks, Only Taste is Missing
Following multiple allegations that McDonald's new mozzarella sticks contain no cheese, McDonald's has released a. Continue reading
Commuters to Call in Sick, Lessen Traffic Impact
Rush hour commuters are being urged to stay home from work at least one day each week following a report by the. Continue reading
California Beaches to House Solar Panels
California, a state known for its extravagant wineries, celebrities, and debt is working to claim a new title:. Continue reading
Facebook to Pay Users Based on Number of Friends
The world was shocked today when Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, announced that Facebook will pay each user. Continue reading
Overweight Americans Cause Earth’s Axial Shift, Threaten Diplomacy
In a recent journal, scientists report the Earth’s axial tilt has shifted, amplifying the effects of climate. Continue reading
Xbox Live Down for 6 Hours—Mountain Dew and Marijuana Sales Plummet
Microsoft, the company known for its reliability and incredibly secure software, encountered a series. Continue reading
Smokable Diet Crystals: The New Weight-Loss Supplement
Worried about sticking to your weight-loss goals for the New Year? Then join the latest supplement craze:. Continue reading
Obama’s Latest Executive Order Sparks Outrage with Officers
Americans all over the country threw down their Whoppers in a collective rage at President Obama's recent. Continue reading
Local Man Alone in Conclusion That He’s the “Funny One” in Group
During a recent discussion with his group of friends about which “one” each person is in the group, a local. Continue reading
Millions Find All of Their Dreams Fulfilled in the New Year
As the drinks flowed on New Year’s Eve, people across the globe gathered to celebrate the countdown. When the. Continue reading
New “Clear” CDs Bring Back the Physical Media Industry
In an effort to preserve the waning industry of physical media, a new breakthrough has been announced that. Continue reading
NFL Players Fail Drug Tests, Reveal New Illnesses
Players in the National Football League are bringing to light new reasons for legitimately failing their drug. Continue reading
Scientists Hope to Devolve Elephants, Unleash Babies into the Arctic
In an attempt to explain the recent degradation of humanity, scientists have created an experiment that will,. Continue reading
Sea World Dolphins Only Ones to Survive Microbead Attack
Dolphins at SeaWorld might have a little to celebrate. An unprecedented amount of microbeads recently flooded the. Continue reading
Women Liberated, Extra 15 Minutes to Choose Outfit Becomes Law
Women across the country now have the right to arrive up to 15 minutes late after an investigation on workplace. Continue reading
Half of U.S. Congress Fails Mandatory Drug Test
In a shocking series of events, only half of the United States' Congress failed mandatory drug tests earlier this. Continue reading
