Players in the National Football League are bringing to light new reasons for legitimately failing their drug tests. Although NFL guidelines forbid players from participating in sporting events if they test positive for “performance enhancing supplements,” there are certain loopholes that allow players to test positive and still participate. They just need a medically-viable reason.

While HGH and steroids are used to treat patients with more commonly recognized illnesses, sports medicine doctors across the country agree that “not being able to score a touchdown” or “needing to give my girlfriend another black eye” are serious conditions that warrant the treatment of steroids.

One doctor anonymously commented, “I’ll write whatever prescription these players need. These conditions are real. I’m just relieved to see they are finally getting the recognition they deserve by the medical community.” Support groups, playfully nicknamed “afterparties,” are also recommended for those players who continue to struggle with these debilitating conditions.