China Buys Google for $1 Trillion
In an unexpected event, the company that was started with the help of the United States Government was sold to. Continue reading
Army to Conduct 3.2 Billion Study on Why Marines are Better
The Secretary of Defense is facing backlash after asking Congress to allocate public funds towards a new military. Continue reading
Hipster Donates Penis to Transgender
In the ultimate counter culture move do date, a young man with a man bun and beard decides to donate his penis to. Continue reading
Neo-Nazi Radicals Change Name to #WLM (White Lives Matter)
A neo-Nazi radical group has adopted the name White Lives Matter (#WLM) due to excessive amounts of negative. Continue reading
Slave Owners On US Currency Will be Replaced
Out of the 11 most common currencies used in the US today, 8 have a slave owner on them. Outraged citizens call. Continue reading
Building Houses Out of Wood Declared “Tree Murder”
An environmental agency which hasn't had much to do after protesting against the Dakota Pipeline and filling the. Continue reading
Kim Kardashian West Voted Most Beautiful Person in the World
Socialite Kim Kardashian West had reason to celebrate today after she was voted Most Beautiful Person in the. Continue reading
Trump Signs Executive Order to Legalize Marijuana in all 50 States
President Donald Trump yesterday signed an executive order which legalized marijuana in all 50 states. This has. Continue reading
SNL is OK, Ban Other Fake News
Has America gone crosseyed? Apple says it too will join the fight against "Fake News" alongside Facebook and. Continue reading
Facebook and Google Accidently Delete all News in an Attempt to Censor “Fake News”
Facebook and Google have decided that it's readers are too stupid to differentiate between NEWS, FAKE NEWS, and. Continue reading
Trump to Launch a Private Jet Service to Fly Willing Celebs to Canada
After becoming the 45th president in the history of the United States and before starting his move into the White. Continue reading
To Avoid Voter Fraud, the Vote for Trump to be Tuesday and Hillary on Wednesday
In a move to avoid voter fraud, the Federal Election Commission today announced that those voting for Trump would. Continue reading
Hillary Urges Police to Engage with Black Suspects Only After Being Shot at First
Washington DC: Hillary Clinton, the democratic presidential nominee, today urged all the police officers in the. Continue reading
Activists Running Out of Blame to Throw for Global Warming
As the apparent effects of global climate change become more and more dramatic anti-global warming activists are. Continue reading
After Being Unable to Find Work, Lawyer Sues Himself
Chicago: A local lawyer and a seasoned ambulance chaser today announced his intention of suing himself. He was. Continue reading
Society Okays Discrimination on the Basis of Political Affiliations
In a case of a new social phenomena, people have collectively decided to start widespread discrimination on the. Continue reading
Hillary to Replace White Strips in the American Flag with Black Ones to Make it Racially Acceptable
Washington DC: Hillary Clinton today declared that if elected president, she would replace all the white strips. Continue reading
War Makes Us Smarter
While everybody else is concerned about anthrax, domestic terrorism and war, educators from kindergarten to. Continue reading
Hillary Clinton to Divorce Bill for Holding Her Back
In a huge move, Hillary Clinton is all set to file for divorce after feeling that Bill was holding her back. She. Continue reading
Border Fence Opposition Wins Campaign to Keep Desert Free From Eyesore
Plans to expand the Texan portion of the United States border fence with Mexico have suffered a setback this week. Continue reading
Ellen DeGeneres Being Vetted for Hillary Running Mate
Ellen DeGeneres will be vetted as a potential Vice Presidential candidate for Hillary Clinton. If selected, this. Continue reading
Univision Purchases The Onion for $27.3 Million, Attempts to Buy Squib News for $1.3 Billion
Reports are emerging about an attempted takeover of SquibNews.com by Univision for a whooping $1.3 billion, after. Continue reading
Top 10 Reasons to Not Vote for Hillary
America would stop being taunted about how it hasn't yet elected a woman Won't be any Flotus and Fmotus,. Continue reading
Descendants of Founding Fathers Draft Letter to Queen Elizabeth
Squib News has learned that an organization, known as The Society of the Descendants of the Signers of the. Continue reading
Mickey Mouse to Finally Wed Minnie
It’s not unlike men to wait for the right time before deciding to settle down. It is, however, unusual for a. Continue reading
Shocking Discovery Confirms the Earth Really Is Flat
Most of us can remember learning about our home planet in school. Our teachers had those standard globes, and we. Continue reading
ISIS Worried American Sniper Chris Kyle’s Ghost is Killing Their Top Commanders
If intelligence reports are to be believed, ISIS is in a state of alarm after some of its top commanders have. Continue reading
Homeless Population Granted New Underground Residences
Brooklyn, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, and Los Angeles have just passed local legislation that will allow the. Continue reading
Trump Praises Putin and Kim Jong Un, Castro Feels Snubbed
Fidel Castro is reportedly unhappy with America, or more specifically with Donald Trump, after being the only. Continue reading
DMV to Conduct Background Checks Before Issuing Licenses
Beginning on February 8, DMVs across the nation will conduct background checks before issuing driver licenses to. Continue reading
