A new app has been launched that will allow users to deposit cold hard cash via mobile devices. This app has been developed and marketed by Quack and Doodle Do Pvt Ltd. The inner mechanisms of this app are unfortunately a closely guarded trade secret. Rumors report that this secret may have been leaked to Chinese sweatshops for making cheap knockoffs.

We spoke to the CEO of the corporation, Mr. Bernie Madon, “All the technological advancements taking place have just one purpose: help the customer avoid getting off the couch in order to do a particular task. Now, consider Uber and Tinder. A while back, you had to get out on the street and wait for the cab or your date to arrive. You had to flail your arms wildly in order to attract attention and talk smoothly in order to convince them to pick you up and take you, but now the whole process can be completed while sitting on the couch and swiping. This is the case for our app. You used to have to go all the way to the bank, wait in long lines, fill out forms, and wait for the teller to validate the authenticity of the notes before getting them deposited. Now, all you need to do is press a few buttons.”

There are also reports of all the major banks closing their physical vaults and depositing all their money via an iPhone after being very impressed by its security. In addition, it has attracted the attention of the shady members of society. “I am going to deposit all my embezzled money in an iPhone as Apple would never allow the IRS  to access my account in the name of privacy, personal security, and the greater good. This app is a God send, er I mean Satan send for all us white collar criminals.”