Super Bowl to be Held on Monday to Allow More Days Off Work
In a huge announcement, the NFL has stated that it will henceforth host the Super Bowl on a Monday, so that people. Continue reading
California to Issue Licenses for Drone Hunting
In another boost to the Second Amendment, California has become the first state to issue hunting licenses for. Continue reading
Boy Hospitalized After Biting His Own Ear Off
A local boy has been hospitalized after he reportedly managed to bite off his own ear. How he accomplished this. Continue reading
No More Bird $#!?
County officials in San Diego, California are feeding birds fish pellets laced with psychotropic medication. The. Continue reading
Trump to Make Clinton His Running Mate
In a move that might change the political landscape for 2016, Donald Trump has expressed he would like Hillary. Continue reading
Socialite to Retire Due to Lack of Controversy
According to reports, an eminent socialite/failed actress has decided to quit public life after being unable to. Continue reading
Breaking Bad Show Made Real Meth for Black Market
In a stunning confession by Breaking Bad producers, Walter White and all other Breaking Bad characters made real. Continue reading
Cam Newton Slammed for Not Leading Panthers to Victory
The actions of one man can defeat even the mightiest of armies. This is not the tale of Zhuge Liang, the Chinese. Continue reading
Mickey Mouse to Finally Wed Minnie
It’s not unlike men to wait for the right time before deciding to settle down. It is, however, unusual for a. Continue reading
Armed Stoner Robs Taco Bell, Leaves Gun
Marijuana advocates will have a hard time explaining this one. Just this Tuesday, an armed 19-year-old Carl Lewis. Continue reading
Mad Scientist Recovers Due to Anger Management
After years of suffering from delusions of grandiose and uncontrollable fits of rage, a small Prozac prescription. Continue reading
New Intel on Kim Jung Un Reveals a Problem with Self-Indulgence
Kim Jung Un is undoubtedly one of the most powerful men in the world. At only 33 years old, he's the youngest head. Continue reading
NFL and CBS to Fine Peyton Manning Over Subliminal Advertising
Have you ever wondered why Peyton Manning yells “OMAHA!” over and over again during all his plays? It has been. Continue reading
Ronald Reagan Back from the Grave, GOP Turns Its Back on Him
After lying in cryonic suspension for some time, popular folk hero and Republican legend, Ronald Reagan, has. Continue reading
How Does It Feel To Have The Worst Team, Kris Cemp?
Reporters gathered outside of Kris Cemp’s house today with several questions about his opinions on various. Continue reading
Never Stop at Red Lights Again, Strobe Lights Available Soon!
Going green will soon have a new meaning. A patent is currently pending on a smaller version of the green light. Continue reading
Shocking Discovery Confirms the Earth Really Is Flat
Most of us can remember learning about our home planet in school. Our teachers had those standard globes, and we. Continue reading
ISIS Worried American Sniper Chris Kyle’s Ghost is Killing Their Top Commanders
If intelligence reports are to be believed, ISIS is in a state of alarm after some of its top commanders have. Continue reading
Civil Rights Groups: Computers Must Diversify
Civil rights groups converged on Intel's corporate headquarters to protest the lack of inherent diversity in. Continue reading
Homeless Population Granted New Underground Residences
Brooklyn, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, and Los Angeles have just passed local legislation that will allow the. Continue reading
Donald Trump to Sponsor Bernie Sanders’ Independent Run for Presidency
At his 90th press conference today, Donald Trump announced that he would be sponsoring Bernie Sanders to run as an. Continue reading
