Many may recall last year’s controversy on whether or not funds should be designated for the relief of Syrian refugees. Funds had been collected before any actual plans were established, prompting a rushed decision. Now, a compromise has been reached between liberals and conservatives. Homeless shelters will become terrorist refugee camps. Members of ISIS that make their way to the United States will be offered these “esoteric culture encouragement centers.”

Whereas many see terrorists like ISIS as a hypocritical, extremist organization, a liberal preservation group has recognized it as a culturally rich patriarchy that seeks to re-establish traditional values despite a modernizing world. While most Muslims agree that ISIS’s version of traditional Islamic values are based on corrupted history and a bunch of pork bologna, social justice warriors continue to flock to ISIS’s defense.

At these repurposed shelters, ISIS members, as well as sympathizers, can enjoy access to fresh water, clean machetes, and explosive vests for a night out on the town. As for the homeless people that used to occupy these shelters, they have decided to embrace the American spirit of pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. Both liberal and conservative factions are pleased with the results and do not foresee any issues.