Kim Jung Un is undoubtedly one of the most powerful men in the world. At only 33 years old, he’s the youngest head of state to ever take power, yet he suffers from a plethora of health problems caused by his hedonistic lifestyle. Although indulging in a harem of concubines may come to mind, his medical records reveal a different kind of excess. The young leader prefers the excessive consumption of exotic cheeses and bottles of Johnnie Walker. In fact, he ingests roughly 1,000 extra calories on a fairly constant basis.

Kim Jung Un developed this problem following the death of his mother, Ko Yung Hui, in 2004. Since then, he has ballooned to around 200 lbs., which for his height (~5’8”) makes him extremely overweight and at risk for diabetes and high blood pressure. Some of his latest practices, however, indicate that he may be suffering from a problem below the 38th parallel. The past few years have revealed that despite his unbridled passion, he has trouble managing his ballistics. Many know of the infamous “fizzle test” in which the missile that North Korea launched towards Japan fizzled out before doing anything. Apparently, Kim Jung Un is having problems positioning the missile in addition to actually launching it. Until North Korea can successfully launch a missile, he should probably share some of that cheese if he hopes to keep his army fed.