After years of suffering from delusions of grandiose and uncontrollable fits of rage, a small Prozac prescription of 40ug has given a local scientist his clarity back. Dr. Richard Cranium is rediscovering his purpose in life after finding that his anger was the result of a chemical imbalance. “It’s weird. I would usually spend my days plotting world domination, working on my disintegrator, or doing some other malicious activity. I was obsessed with bringing the masses to their knees.” He shook his head and laughed.

“The thought of it now just seems silly. Everything changed when I walked into an anger management meeting by mistake. You see, I’d meant to go to a build-your-own-death-ray workshop at the community center. I walked in thinking I was there too early, sat down, had a doughnut, and listened as everyone went around the room sharing their stories. When it was my turn to share, I refused. The instructor insisted because I’d heard everyone else’s story. In the end, I was surprised by how much pent up resentment I had, mostly toward my father. I realized there was a reason I walked in there that day. If I hadn’t, I’d still be stuck in that dark place.”

Dr. Cranium has since tried to leave all traces of his old life behind him. Once he started his prescription, he immediately threw out his old capes and goggles and began wearing thick cardigans to reflect his more passive, relaxed lifestyle. “I owe it all to this little bottle here.” He showed the pills to our reporter. We wish nothing but the best for him, but we can’t help but wonder what will happen once he realizes it’s a bottle of placebo pills.