If intelligence reports are to be believed, ISIS is in a state of alarm after some of its top commanders have been mysteriously killed with sniper shots to their heads. This has planted terror in the minds of ISIS members who are convinced the ghost of Chris Kyle is carrying out these attacks.

A leading intelligence officer provided the following possible explanation for this belief: “Following the beheading of an individual for possessing a bootleg version of the ‘westerner movie,’ American Sniper, several ISIS commanders watched the confiscated film. About a month later, a couple of commanders were shot in the head while they made love to a donkey. Initially, ISIS members believed another animal had committed the executions in a jealous rage. ISIS’s chief scientist eventually deduced, after intense calculations, that it was likely a human, not an animal, who was responsible for the attacks. After holding an emergency meeting to determine who was capable of such terrifyingly accurate, long-range shooting, ISIS members came to the conclusion that it must be the ghost of Chris Kyle. This theory generated more momentum after another top ISIS commander was found dead with a gunshot to the head made from a distance of about 1800 meters. As very few individuals, including Chris Kyle and a handful of Navy Seal snipers, are capable of such heroic and legendary feats, everyone began believing in the ghost. If a person can carry out such patriotism and destruction while alive, consider how much more deadly his ghost would be.”

ISIS is reportedly considering surrendering rather than face the wrath of the ghosts of Kyle and other fallen American heroes.