At his 90th press conference today, Donald Trump announced that he would be sponsoring Bernie Sanders to run as an Independent in the presidential election. Many of Trump’s supporters who were in attendance found this decision shocking, filling the high school gym where the conference was held with gasps, boos, and proclamations of, “What’s a Sanders? Can I shoot or deport it?”
Trump quelled their fears with the following statement: “Listen, I gotta tell ya, this is the best thing I can do for America. It really is. Look, I’ll tell ya what I’m doing. I’m doing this to split the Democratic vote so I can win. It’s amazing. It’s genius. I’m a literal genius for thinking of this. Hillary wins the Democratic nomination– boom. Sanders gets the independent nomination– boom. Democratic vote is split– bada bing. I win the nomination. It’s as simple as that, really.” This drew large amounts of applause and cheers from the audience, along with commentary, such as, “I still don’t know what a Sanders is. Is it Mexican? I probably hate it.”
Trump went on to say, “I gotta tell ya, folks, I’m surprised no one thought of doing something like this before. It’s really quite astounding. Now, the liberal media will try to tell you that something like this happened back in ’9
6 with Clinton and Perot and blah blah blah– but don’t listen ’em! They’re blowhards! They don’t really know what happened! That didn’t happen, and I should know, ‘cuz I was there. Take my word for it. I’m the only person to think of this.”
The crowd then erupted with applause, cheers, and gunshots fired in celebration, with Trump smiling that weird smile he does.
