Following multiple allegations that McDonald’s new mozzarella sticks contain no cheese, McDonald’s has released a statement saying the only thing missing from its products is taste. We spoke to a top McDonald’s executive about his reaction upon hearing the allegations that the mozzarella sticks are nothing but fried sticks of breading.

This executive, who asked to remain anonymous, stated, “I am appalled by these photographs and accusations or whatever they are. Customers were expecting mozzarella cheese to be dripping from the sticks? This is only seen in advertisements. You would need really great eyesight, or a high megapixel camera, to capture these embedded cheese granules. Just as chemicals or solutions are measured in parts per million (1 part liquid in 1 million water), our cheese content is measured in parts per million. If the samples are tested, I am confident that the sticks will meet our stringent standards. I will only concede that taste is missing from our products. That is something we have refused to compromise on. If it has taste, it isn’t McDonald’s.”

Indeed, research has confirmed that McDonald’s lack of taste has lead to its large, growing customer base. Experts reference human nature and the psychological hope for a better future as the primary culprit for this phenomenon. The top executive continued, “We capitalize on this hope. Our customers visit again and again, hoping to eventually find taste, quality, and great products. We refuse to concede.” McDonald’s confirmed its legal team is planning to sue over these false mozzarella stick allegations.