In a recent journal, scientists report the Earth’s axial tilt has shifted, amplifying the effects of climate change. Research has found a disturbing correlation between the axial shift and the average U.S. American’s body mass. In fact, the two elements are so closely related, scientists are now suggesting the shift is a direct result of the increasing body mass.
It seems that years of supersizing and overeating have resulted in unrivaled U.S. American waistlines. What began as a poor health choice affecting one individual, has quickly become destructive to our entire planet.
Furthermore, research has revealed another alarming condition. For many, this one hits closer to home. The southern U.S. is known for housing the some of the heaviest citizens in the nation. Geologists confirmed that the southern states have begun to separate and drift toward South America. Politicians fear what impact this will have on our future diplomatic relations with Central and South America. Desperate to halt the damage, the government has decided to offer free gym memberships to citizens with an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). In addition, these citizens will also receive weekly meal vouchers for local, healthy food.
