As the drinks flowed on New Year’s Eve, people across the globe gathered to celebrate the countdown. When the ball finished it’s descent, something magical took place. Everyone’s New Year’s resolutions were instantly achieved! Without acknowledging the complex web of past decisions, mistakes were promptly undone and new opportunities were created.

Nothing could withstand the power of the resolutions. Soulmates instantly appeared, transporting from all over the world. Excess weight disappeared, leaving many holding tightly to their clothes. Others left for adventures by plane, car, or boat. Some found a sudden sense of calm as their work and life found a healthy balance. Debt was instantly erased and retirement savings increased exponentially. The streets became littered with cigarettes, as the desire to smoke vanished entirely.

Finally, people will no longer feel depression and disappointment for discarding their hopes and dreams by the end of January. The cycle of abandoning New Year’s resolutions has officially been broken.