Women across the country now have the right to arrive up to 15 minutes late after an investigation on workplace equality by an independent body revealed that more needed to be done to meet civil rights guidelines.

“Nattering on the phone for too long and deciding which shoes to wear are vital rituals in a typical woman’s daily routine,” says Maude Keeley, chairwoman of the American Women’s Committee.

“We now accept that allowances must be made, both in the workplace and in social settings, to ensure no females are faced with unfair repercussions if their important feminine rituals accidently encroach into other people’s time.”

Previously, if a woman arrived late for work, by even a minute or two, they would be verbally degraded by their male superior and then gossiped about in the staff break room among their female colleagues. With the law in place, this behavior will only be tolerated if the female employee arrives over 15 minutes late. Similarly, if a woman arrives late to an appointment with a male associate, he will be legally required to wait 15 minutes before rolling his eyes and checking his watch.

Cathy Nesbit from the campaign group Men Have Breasts Too has welcomed the passing of the new law. “This is a fantastic day for freedom and equality in the United States. For too long, women have been persecuted for their anatomical and sociological differences. At last, we can embrace who we are and no longer have to worry so much about the consequences of our gender-specific nuances. Getting the chores done and watching appalling reality television will no longer damage our careers and social lives.”

Others, such as twitter-based republican Vincent Ashcroft, aren’t so enthusiastic about the adoption of this perceived left-wing policy. “Millions of migrants didn’t flee the old world in search of liberty to be faced with this liberal tangle of laws and regulations. If women want equality, they should each grow a pair and deal with their femininity like a man.”

Proposed new guidelines for male workers were to be discussed in Congress just before the Christmas recess, but an incredibly important playoff between the Buccaneers and the Rams meant that none of the male members of the lower house were available to attend the session.