Army to Conduct 3.2 Billion Study on Why Marines are Better

The Secretary of Defense is facing backlash after asking Congress to allocate public funds towards a new military research project. Citing its necessity, he defended the move by saying,“We need a clear answer and with this study, I hope to God we’ll have one!”

The study will hopefully determine why Marines seem so much better than their Army counterparts in every way. The Marines appear to outperform the Army in nearly every category despite the advantages that the Army possesses, such as having greater numbers than the Marines. Even though Marines possess less than half the amount of personnel (about 1/10th, if you include the National Guard) than the Army, they have a greater number of mission-ready personnel who are fitter and better trained than Army soldiers. The Army also boasts greater resources and shorter training times than the Marines. By in large, the Army should be a better branch. Instead, the Marines lead the pack. The strict nature of their fitness test quickly rules out any unfit candidates, and though the training is more general, it is far more intense.

Still, the question remains: what is it that makes the Marines so much better? Is it the uniforms the Marines wear or maybe the way they wear them? Is it the haircuts, the physical fitness, or maybe the tradition of “death before dishonor?” Maybe it’s because the Marines were founded in a tavern and can out drink anyone.

Hopefully, 3.2 billion dollars will be enough to help the Army become more like the Marines (though it’s doubtful). Sure, all of our uniformed citizens deserve commendation for working so hard to defend our fair country. At least we can all agree that no matter what the issue, both the Army and the Marines are better than the Air Force.

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Comments

  • Mike StClair February 6, 2016 at 10:59 am

    In order to adequately answer the question you must first stand on the yellow footprints; successfully graduate from boot camp, and then move on into the Fleet Marine Force. Once you have accomplished all that all will be clear to you. Semper Fi.

  • Patrick Kreisel February 6, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    We were at Ft Ord in 89 for a multi national training exercise. We were walking down the road one day and the CO of the Base stopped us and started talking to us. Most of the Army dogs that passed us had wrinkled cammies and some didn’t even have their trousers banded. Boots that looked like they had never been polished. 5 o’clock shadow on their chins and haircuts not even close to even their regs wearing unblocked covers. They were smoking and eating or hands in their pockets. He looked at us and said he wished his men had the pride and discipline that we did. That’s what sets us apart.

  • Joe Aguilar February 7, 2016 at 7:33 am

    Interesting….however…in the 9 years in the Army, I saw at least 10 Marines who had transitioned (jumped ship) from Marines to Army.

    They cited better Living conditions, better assignments, and just more job satisfaction than when they were with the Marines.

    Each and every one. Mind you, this was not an isolated incident in one location. I’d encounter them at Ft. Meade MD, Daegu South Korea, Camp Zama in Japan and Fort Riley, KS.

    Have pride in your individual branches, ok. But quit making it seem like the Marines have their shit together.

  • Tralfaz Watson February 7, 2016 at 10:06 am

    I can save DOD a billion and do the study myself 2.2 Billion. Please contact me on FB.

  • Kevin Knudson February 7, 2016 at 10:19 am

    I call B.S. the Marines aren’t any better than the Army. They are playing the statistics game because the Army simply has a higher number of troops in support roles than the Marine Corp, those troops commonly referred to as pogs can tend to be less sqaured away than the Infantry, otherwise known as grunts, or our special operations, because the pogs only get BCT(Basic Combat Training) before going off to AIT(advanced individual training). With that being said I myself would have been considered a POG because I was a mechanic, however I was a sqaured away soldier my BDU’s were always starched and pressed, my boots highly spit shined, you would never see me walking around with my hands in my pockets and I took advantage of every bit of training they gave me to make sure I was Combat proficient and able to perform my duties with effectiveness should the need arise. All this stuff about the Marines is all mythos perpetuated by their own hype!

    • Nic Dennard February 7, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      Our legacy is perpetuated by our history, not anyone’s hype.

    • Kendrick Hairston February 12, 2016 at 9:49 am

      I don’t know. I’m stationed in Fort Leonard Wood and these Army recruits are pretty nasty. Don’t get me wrong. My father was in the Army for 20 years and was a great soldier, but seeing both sides just made me want to join the Marines. They are having Marine Enlisted Instructors teach Army Officers their MOS here because the Army Instructors were sending poor products. We have 6 Army officers with us.

  • Dan Clark April 18, 2016 at 1:23 am

    It’s embarrassing how many of you don’t realize that this is a sarcastic/satire article :-p

    • Byron Johnson February 20, 2017 at 2:44 am

      Embarrassing….sarcastic…. Satire……
      Those are $3 words….you have to write it in Marine for them to understand….

  • Greg Bourlotos April 20, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Just have 50 recently graduated soldiers from Army Basic Training go through Marine Boot Camp and take a survey of the ones that failed and they’ll have all the answers they need to complete the study.

  • OldCorpsEd September 27, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and the enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion.
    Gen. William Thornson, U.S. Army

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